This is a wonderful book. If you like Jane Austen’s writing style, you’ll enjoy this book as well. What’s interesting is that unlike the majority of novels written during this era (early 1900’s) that were part of the “comedy of manners” genre, this book does not have the happy ending you expect. Instead of being about a woman with little finding love, happiness, and wealth, it’s about a woman losing everything she has and more. That sound depressing, and I guess in some ways it is, but the main character is so dynamic and multi-faceted that I simply couldn’t take my eyes off of her! I found myself willing her to do immoral or selfish things in order to save herself, yet time and time again she takes the higher ground in spite of herself and continues her downward spiral. I definitely suggest it, very good read.

If you haven’t seen this yet, take a minute, it’s so cool. Be sure to have your hanky nearby!

So today I took Charlotte out all by myself! It was a quick trip, we went to my OB’s office to pick up some paperwork for my disability claim and then to the post office. The post office was interesting to say the least. In order to get in to our post office you have to walk up about 6 steps outside, which of course I never noticed until I was standing at the bottom of them with a baby in a stroller! I looked around for a ramp, figuring it’s a government building and they must have handicap access, but I couldn’t find one anywhere! After standing there staring up the steps for about 3 minutes (while 3 different men walked right past me and into the post office without so much as a glance my way, let alone offering to help me) I unclicked the carseat and carried that up, setting it down at the top of the steps. Then I went back down and carried the stroller up, reattaching the car seat at the top of the stairs. I had to do the same thing on my way out.

Charlotte did great, only fussing a little in the post office because it’s not air conditioned and she was getting frustrated in her little car seat. Oh, and of course after standing in line behind 7 people, when it was finally my turn, the first available guy closed his window! I mean, seriously, you can tell that I’m standing here with this fussing baby in this incredible heat and you can’t stay open for 5 more minutes to help me out? Gr, this is why people go insane in post offices.

All in all, however, I would call the day a success because I never cried and I accomplished what I set out to accomplish. Go me :o)

Update: we’re getting our fridge replaced. Not in time to save all my hard work, but I’m trying to let that go and not be furious.

So other new Moms I know told me that if I thought I was hungry while pregnant, I should wait until I was breastfeeding because I’d be ravenous. This, however, has not been the case at all. When my Mom was here she basically force fed me 3 meals and 1 snack everyday, plus followed me around with water all day. Now that she’s gone, today was my first day alone with Charlotte (a bit overwhelming), I’m having trouble eating. This is due in part to our fridge deciding to break, awesome timing, so our food is all going bad while I wait for the repairman to come tomorrow. Andy is bringing home ice to try and salvage some things in a cooler. The infuriating thing is that they were here yesterday and “fixed” it…guess not. The worst part is that I had spent so many hours making freeze-ahead meals for us for the next few weeks and I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to use a lot of it now. Needless to say, my hormonal self can only handle all of this if I ignore it completely, otherwise I cry.

Back to my point: I have no appetite. My appetite is always closely tied to my emotions, so since those are a bit out of control, I’ve lost my appetite too. Once our fridge is fixed and I manage to get myself and my baby to the grocery store (another overwhelming thought…going out with her alone) I should be able to force feed myself more easily. Wow…the grocery store…who knew it could be such a terrifying prospect. Alright, well speaking of feeding I need to do that, feed my daughter that is.

Despite my crazy emotions we’re doing pretty well, I’m just a bit lonely, but that will pass. Tomorrow I think I might take Charley (a nickname for her) out for a walk…then maybe the grocery store on Friday if I’m feeling brave.

So we’re planning to revamp our kitchen in the new house and I’m looking into what our options are for doing this. We’ve talked about refacing the existing cabinets, but the space is very poorly utilized and if we can afford to rip everything out and reconfigure the space I know it would be so much better. If we end up redoing the kitchen I’m thinking we’ll use Ikea because their price are reasonable, but even better the system they have to install seems pretty user friendly.

Anyway, Ikea sells something called Living Stone and I’m wondering if anyone has heard of this or can direct me to some reviews of the product? It’s the cheapest of stone options out there which I like because we want to keep our costs down and yet I think the look it will give to the kitchen will help our resale value. So if anyone has it, or has heard anything about it, let me know!

I’m posting this for those who would like to know all of the details of Charlotte’s birth. Be warned that I share a lot of details, although I don’t think there’s anything too intimate, you may not want to read it if you’re not into hearing about birth. There, I warned you.

The Birth of Charlotte Elizabeth

On Monday June 30 Andy & I went to see Dr. Cashie at the office. She was very worried that Charlotte would be too big to be born vaginally so she was encouraging us to have an induction. We agreed to let her strip my membranes (a process that irritates the cervix and can often start labor) and then scheduled an induction for 7am the next morning. We didn’t want to do this, but many of the compromises we made were to prevent the possibility of a C-Section. Dr. Cashie was also very concerned that Charlotte’s head was not engaged in my pelvis, which caused her to believe that it might never engage and I wouldn’t be able to give birth vaginally.

Mom and I spent that whole day on Monday walking and running errands to get things going and Andy went back to work. I was having contractions all day, but by about 1am they were coming regularly and we timed them at 3 minutes apart for 60 seconds. I wasn’t all that uncomfortable, however, so we laid back down around 3am and I was able to get some sleep, confirming it wasn’t time to go to the hospital just yet.

The next morning, Tuesday July 1, we headed to the hospital. We checked in and when we got up to the room they started an IV and a pitocin drip. When Dr. Cashie arrived she checked me and I was 3-4cm dilated and praise God Charlotte was engaged at “0 station”, which meant her head was firmly in my pelvis and she was on her way down! Although then Dr. Cashie broke my bag of water which was disappointing as I didn’t want to have that done, anyway the worst part of it was that Dr. Cashie saw a little meconium which can be a “bad” sign so she inserted a catheter into my uterus to run saline through there and clear out any meconium that could have been breathed in by Charlotte. This just added one more tube for me to be hooked up to.

By 9am the pitocin was in full swing and I was having regular hard contractions every 2minutes. At 10:30 the head was at +1 station (+2 being the lowest it can get without being born!) and I was 4cm dilated (disappointing). Around 11:15 the contractions were too intense on my side and I switched to my back. The RN told me if I didn’t relax through the contractions I’d be working against myself and preventing my cervix from dilating. That was all the encouragement I needed. I spent the next 45 minutes lying completely still, eyes closed, and sure enough at some point after that the RN checked me and I was 6cm!

At 2pm I went back on my side, realizing I was having more difficult, but also much more effective contractions in that position. After just a few contractions in that position I had the overwhelming urge to push! I was excited and a little scared. I had been 6cm just a little while ago and I wasn’t sure I knew what the urge really was, but when I absolutely could NOT stop myself from pushing without intense concentration, I figured it was the real deal. The RN checked me and I was 8cm…which was disappointing because it meant I had to work very hard not to push. Dr. Cashie was in a c-section, so her partner Dr. Korostoff came by and checked on me. She told me I couldn’t push because it would cause my cervix to possibly swell up from the pressure Charlotte’s head puts on it and then we’d end up in a C-Section. I tried really, really hard not to push, but I couldn’t do it.

I decided at 2:30 to take a half a dose of Stadol. This wasn’t ever my plan, and I need a lot of encouragement from Andy and my Mom, telling me I wasn’t a failure, and that it was okay. The medication allowed me to feel a little farther away from that urge to push and I felt like I had more control and was able to breathe through contractions instead of push. I did this for a long time.

Dr. Cashie finally came and checked me and I was 8cm still!! She decided, however, to see if she could stretch my cervix to 10 while I pushed. In 2 pushes she did exactly that and we were ready to go. I remember thinking at the time that if Dr. Cashie had come an hour ago and done that, could I have skipped the Stadol and been ready to push then? Oh well.

During pushing I realized suddenly that I was holding back a little. I confessed to Andy that I was scared and not doing all that I could. Everyone started cheering me on and telling me not to be afraid. Suddenly, with my next contraction I felt a sensation that I needed to have a bowel movement. At first it freaked me out until I remembered Cara, my sister, saying that was what it felt like. This was a feeling I was familiar with and could work with so I got to work and in about 3 more pushes, Charlotte Elizabeth entered the world at 3:54pm!!

She was beautiful, and once the stupid respiratory therapist stopped harassing her and gave her to Andy all was right with the world. Dr. Cashie sewed up my wicked episiotomy (Andy said he was watching during the pushing and he thought if she’d been more patient it could have been avoided, something I think a midwife would have done.)

In the end all definitely did not go according to plan, but I learned a lot for next time and I have a beautiful, healthy, happy daughter. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!

July 6, 2008

So, in case any of you weren’t aware, childbirth is a bit hard. It’s amazing, however, that even just a few days later I can see myself willing to do it all over again because Charlotte was worth every moment of discomfort. It helps when you’re husband is completely awesome too. My Mom is with us for a while and she’s been a huge blessing, taking care of me so I can take care of Charlotte.

In house news, we’ve had all kinds of wonderful news there! The termite inspection went great, minimal work needed on that end. The AC guy went out and checked out our AC unit with our realtor (Our awesome realtor called the guy himself, met him out there, and will get the report to us, another huge blessing as we were a bit distracted this week!). Then, to top it off the house was appraised by the loan company and is worth $45,000 MORE than we are paying! Praise God. Now comes all the hard work and elbow grease (well, for Andy. my elbows will be busy holding my baby girl!).

Thanks everyone for the kind comments, Charlotte loves all the attention :o)

The most beautiful baby girl in the whole world. Charlotte Elizabeth Kelts, born July 1, 2008 at 3:54 pm.

Weight: 9lbs 6oz Length: 21in Head Circumference: 35.6cm

We came home with her Wednesday night (one night in that hospital was all we could take).  She breastfeeds like a dream, and you may notice in that picture that she loves to suck on her tongue, it’s hilarious and adorable. I’ll post more regularly soon, feel free to call me, I just won’t answer if it’s a bad time. Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers.

Forgot to post today. No baby. Lots of contractions, appointment with my OB tomorrow, we’ll see.

My Mom arrived safely and on time yesterday and we’ve been talking non-stop ever since. I’m so glad she’s here, with the inspection done and her here it feels like this baby REALLY needs to come now…although I’m starting to think she never will. Of course I guess she has to come eventually, I just hope it’s soon, very very soon (have I mentioned that yet?).  Andy even gave her a pep talk yesterday telling her it was time for her to be born because Nana was here and things with the house were going well…it was cute :o).

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