MOR Monday ~ I’m back!
My reality this week? The fact that I can’t seem to get these Monday posts going on a regular basis. I have dreams of posting on my blog regularly, maybe even having an actual theme when it comes to this thing. Like motherhood, perhaps? I think I’m a decent writer and might be able to appeal to a lot of imaginary internet people…but I just can’t make it happen. In talking with a few people who know me quite well lately, I’ve had an epiphany and I think there may be a reason this blog is so neglected. Are you ready for this amazing revelation? It’s pretty epic, pretty shocking….
I. Am. Busy.
I’ve never thought of myself as the type to over-commit (I hear you laughing out there you people who know me better than I know myself…shut up!). Apparently I am not nearly as self-aware as I once thought I was because newsflash self: you absolutely over-commit. Currently my weekly schedules consists of working 3 days, Bible Study Fellowship one morning, teaching the junior high Sunday school class (with no curriculum, so I do am creating that as I go), facilitating a community group at church, something called “young family group” we attend twice/month with the kids, keeping up with running 3x/week, and being married to the unpaid worship director for our church so that our church day is 4+ hours long. And those are just the non-negotiable commitments. It doesn’t account for caring for my 2 small children, cleaning my house, caring for my flower beds, grocery shopping, or the social commitments I make like play dates.
I’m exhausted. Most of these commitments have a pretty big pay off, and I am grateful for each of them in different ways, but being a mother of a 2 small kids is exhausting all by itself and I think it’s time I start considering scaling it back a bit. I realized recently that I have unrealistic expectations of myself as a Mom (don’t we all?). I was raised in a home with a Mom who stayed home full-time, and I try to model my life after hers and the other full-time stay at home Moms that I know and respect so much. But when you work 3 days out of the week you just can’t do all of the things a SAHM can do. I can’t have play dates every week. I can’t go to 4 different grocery stores to find all the best prices. I can’t be solely responsible for cleaning the entire house every single week. I can’t do a super creative awesome craft with my 2 year old every day. The list goes on, and it often depresses me.
But there are some things I can do. I can play with my kids when I’m home. I can work hard to support our family. I can keep our home nice with a little help from our nanny and my husband. That list goes on too, and it reminds me that I need to keep my priorities straight. Saying yes to everything that comes my way is only going to hurt me, and my family, in the long run. It’s time to learn to think before I say yes. Time for my first response to be “Let me think about it.” and then actually THINK about it. Time to….are you ready for this?….say NO sometimes.
So do I want to have an awesome blog a la Dooce? Yes, of course. But I won’t. So I’m telling myself NO. I will try to keep up with these Monday posts as often as I can, and I will not feel guilty when I can’t. What would be the point of having a blog if it’s just one more thing making me feel like a failure?